Titanic, the Empire State, two strapping centre-halves…
But hold on a minute, wait, have you seen Jack Grealish’ calves?
Calves like two raging bulls, thighs you can’t quite credit
To describe those legs as full, understatement? You said it.
They have coach trips around them calves, you can get a day return
Ask him about them, Jack just laughs, but opponents never learn
They chop him down, trip him up, kick him round the park
But Jack don’t mind, he laps it up, thinks it’s quite a lark
On carved redwood tree trunks, Jack moves passing fast
Stand aside, you spindly punks, a steam train’s coming past
Runs like a man on fire, dribbles like a tap
Shoots and scores, no nil-nil draws, that my Grealish rap, chap
Plays midfield for Aston Villa, cuts in from either wing
This Grealish is a thriller when he does his football thing
Makes muscle men jealous, green, almost homoerotic
“Biggest pair I’ve ever seen, wish mine were half that thick”
Like two Zeppelins, flying side by side, like a pair of farm gate posts
No socks pulled up to hide… Those calves, Jack Grealish boasts